Hello & Where I’ve Been

Hello everyone – long, long time no see!

From what I can see on my end, there are still so, so many of you guys who follow my blog which I didn’t expect to be the case when I went off on my hiatus, especially since I didn’t know how long it would last for. And even more surprising is probably the fact that I still get people visiting my blog daily. It’s nice to see three years of working on this blog paying off like that. 🙂

If you’ve been around here for a long time, you probably know that I was having more and more trouble when it came to posting regularly on here becasue I didn’t have the motivation or inspiration – especailly when I didn’t read as many books anymore. What does one talk about when they don’t read new books to talk about? And to be fair, my newest dicovery back during the summer of 2019 kept me quite distracted too: Kpop.

I still love kpop with my entire heart and don’t see that changing any time soon. And I’m also still not reading nearly as much as I did in 2019, let alone the years before that. But I’m also slowly realizing that this happens with my hobbies quite often. I fall in and out of love with them in waves. Same thing happened with my bullet journal and Instagram. I love putting too much pressure on those hobbies and suddenly they’re no longer as fun anymore. We’re working on that.

And speaking of working on things: I finally started therapy earlier this year.

I got diagnosed with depression in November of 2016 and tried it with just plant based and than other medications (all prescribed by my doctor) for the longest time and then finally took that next step this year when a friend gave me the push I needed. I’ve been going weekly since early March and it’s really been great having someone to talk to and work through things. I’ll also be going to rehab for my depression at some point in the new year, which I’m excited about. I’m finally taking the time to do what’s right for me. I always put everyone else before myself, but that’s going to change. I need to take care of myself to be able to be there for others.

Some other big things that happened this year was my dad getting and recovering from heart surgery just as Covid really picked up here in Germany and we went into our ifrst full on lockdown. I had started this programm late November 2019 but hadn’t been able to actually attend much then because my depression kicked in full force, but once I was well enough to attend again, myself and the two women working their attacked my financial situation and made some amazing progress there, which lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. The funny thing is, I didn’t even know how much it was weighing on me until after I left that first appointment and then started crying in my car.

My oldest nephew started school and I’m so, so grateful I was able to be there for his big day (everything was different with Covid this year, obviously) and to celebrate with family. My youngest sister told us she was pregnant and had a healthy baby boy this year too and I’m just absolutely smitten. He’s adorable and beautiful and just perfect. And yes, apparantly we only get nephews in my family. xD We’re up to four now. The same sister also got married this past weekend which was yet another weird situation with Covid, but we were able to get together with immediate family only to celebrate them and their little family. It really is special being there for these events in your siblings lives.

I really feel like despite the fact that 2020 was such a weird year overall with Covid taking over everything, I was still able to make the most of it for myself. I made some much needed progress and finally asked for help when I needed it. January 1st!Me would never believe where I am today, on December 20th 2020.

As for what’s next with the blog? I’ll be trying to figure that out these next few days leading up to the end of the year. I’ve been thinking about returning here more and more often lately which I think is a good sign. I don’t think this will be strictly a bookish blog from now on though. I want to bring more of myself into this space and share more of my other hobbies too.

But mostly, I want to take away the pressure of having to read books to be able to post something here. That just doesn’t work for me, as I’ve learned from other hobbies and in therapy. I want to stop putting pressure on myself when it comes to my hobbies.

I hope you guys will welcome me back into the community after being away for so long – I definitely want to get back to staying up to date with all of you too. I’ve missed reading your posts and seeing what you’re all up to!

For now, I think I’ve rambled on enough though. Thank you for reading this far and for not leaving my blog yet – I appreciate it so, so much. It means the world. See you guys soon. 🙂